Why Get Married Anyway?

– would be a fair question to ask, I feel. Why rush to put a official and (some would say) constraining label on what in essence is a perfectly good relationship without one?

It’s a question that has no simple answer, and no right answer, either, because it’s different for everyone. Where the couple intends to have a religious ceremony, as we do, there are a whole new set of questions brought up as to the role of religion in the ceremony, and indeed in the subsequent partnership. That’s a side of things that I don’t intend to discuss in detail here, not least because J has already spent some words devoted to the topic on his own blog.  (Also, because we both feel that we need to spend some time discussing it within a Quaker context, in order to clarify its meaning for us as a couple and in order to be as sure as we can be that this is the appropriate thing for us to do.)

But no. For me, I think what it boils down to is a public declaration that this is the man that I love and that I am making a commitment to him that will hopefully last for a long, long time. It’s asking for the support of friends and family in upholding that commitment (to use the Quaker terminology), and it’s a symbol that will identify us as a couple the world over. It means that we intend to make our own life together, and might one day mean that we raise a family together in as secure an environment as possible. We will become each other’s legal next of kin, with all that that entails.

What it does not mean, however, and whenever I start getting the heebie-jeebies I have to remind myself of this – what it does not mean is that anything about our relationship will change. Getting married is a consequence of loving each other and spending time together, not an exhortation to suddenly do so in a way that we did not before. The fact that a lot of us have this picture of middle-class, middle-aged marital bliss won’t stop the fact that J and I will still develop as individuals and as a couple, and be doing all the things that early-20-somethings do when they’re moving to new places and trying new things. I do not see myself taking up gardening any time soon, and I feel no obligation to do so just because I now have a ring on my finger.

And yes, many couples stay together happily for years cohabitating. (I hope J doesn’t mind me categorically stating that this is not about the sex, or lack thereof.) But that’s for them, and the more I think about it, this is for us. I suppose what it comes down to is that is just feels right, and after that, any marriage is a leap of faith. Here’s to making it a good one!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. maninahutch
    Jul 18, 2010 @ 08:11:07

    “I hope J doesn’t mind me categorically stating that this is not about the sex” … no, but the sex is good! 😛

    Reply

  2. kat
    Jul 19, 2010 @ 01:16:42

    Well glad to hear your sex life is good and the rest of your relationship is too 😛

    Marriage is not for everyone but I feel it will work well for you even if I’m sometimes disbelieving, this has alot to do with my timewarp mind that catagorically believes we are still all 15!

    You may like gardening never know… I shall gift you with a trowel ready in waiting for that moment when the ring slips on and gardening is suddenly your all consuming passion 😛

    Reply

  3. teacherface
    Jul 19, 2010 @ 08:24:37

    I love following a/an journey/adventure. And gosh, isn’t this exciting!
    It’s funny Lucy, I barely know you really and yet when I read your news I got a sense of ‘ohh, my little chicken’s growing up’ … 😀

    Bonjour monsieur J!

    Reply

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