Confetti Confessions – The Reply

(This started off as a comment in reply to a blog of Flix’s, before I realised that I was over a month late in replying and it was kinda relevant for here anyway. So go and read the original, maybe, and its comments before reading this. In my defence, I’ve been busy planning a wedding :P)

I think I always knew that being able to get married would be amazing, but I honestly couldn’t see it happening to me just because I honestly couldn’t imagine finding anyone perfect enough to want to spend the rest of my life with. I think the whats and the whys and the hows suddenly fell into focus when I found that person – not least when I realised that I was going to be able to have a Quaker wedding.

(It’s not that I couldn’t have had anyway – non-Quakers can marry Quakers in a Quaker ceremony. But it would have felt funny for me not to have had a Quaker ceremony, and would probably have felt equally funny for a non-Quaker to have done things in ‘our way’. I didn’t intentionally fall in love with a Quaker, but I’m glad it’s worked out like that from a large number of points of view.)

And as soon as you are having an unconventional wedding by most people’s standards anyway, it liberates you to go the whole hog and be damned with tradition if there’s a particular tradition you dislike. So my father will not be giving me away, we will not be cutting a cake (after J told me about the symbolism!), and all of the speeches will be joint because I don’t see why it’s only the men who should have the say.

At the same time, it’s important to keep the traditions that you like – you only get to do this once, after all. I think I’ve mentioned on here before that despite the Quaker testimony to simplicity and the traditional implication that in my case would be frankly inaccurate, I discovered that what I really wanted to get married in was a white princess dress. So I will, simple as that. I once joked with my second/ third year housemates, long before I got with J, that if I ever got married then I would ban posh hats and fascinators at my wedding. “You can’t do that!” they replied, horrified. Well just watch me!

One final remark in relation to the comments over at Flix’s. You think that everything is going to be kept terribly simple and inexpensive and stress-free because your wedding’s going to be different. I point at your naïvity and laugh 😉


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jenny
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 06:41:31

    I fully accept that it’s going to be hopelessly stressful – after all I get a bit stressed trying to herd a small number of people into a pub, or deciding what to wear for more or less any vaguely dressy occasion. So the stress of planning a wedding will probably be more than I can take. But I hope – in your case, first of all – that it’s all worth it on the day and every day thereafter 🙂 xx


  2. kat
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 21:35:23

    I second Jenny, If and this is a big IF I ever get married I will be so stressed I may have to have my own calm bubble. Granted though I will probably by that point have thought about my own wedding so much I’ll know what i’d like/not like, got enough of the things to be attending next few years can’t help but think what I’d do.

    I am so incredibly happy that you have found J and your fulfilling your dream and that your glad to be (remember what you said on the train back from sheffield? Scary thought back then and now your actually going to be doing it in 4 weeks and 3 days :P)

    I shall try and call you in next couple of days, feel I should makes more of an effort! (do you have a landline number? might be easier just incase the mobile has wondered of like everything else.) xx


  3. kat
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 21:37:05

    oh p.s apparently every woman secretly and not so secretly wants a princess dress for their wedding something to do with fulfilling the dreams of a 6 year old- this is what reading glamour does to you! xx


  4. Lucy
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 07:40:04

    Haha! No, I can’t remember what I said on the train back from Sheffield, what was it?

    I do have a landline, albeit quite a crackly one until we can get a semi-decent handset. I shall Facebook message you the number and my schedule for the next few days 🙂


    • kat
      Jul 28, 2011 @ 16:39:05

      You had mentioned how J had brought up oh so casually that he one day wanted or could see him self married to you, you were not entirely sure that you were that ready for such a huge thing (my how times change!) thanks for the number xx


  5. Saf
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 13:27:51

    I’d never thought much about my wedding ’til I got engaged. Then I looked everywhere, and found loads of ideas. Currently, wedding planning is very much taking a backseat, however, I have a strange feeling it will be starting up again properly soon. Also very much waiting on yours Lucy.

    Seems I now have more weddings to attend (3 this year and 2 next). Question is, how to get the people we want at our wedding without blowing the budget?

    Also very much agree on the stress-free/simple/inexpensive comments.



  6. Flix
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 15:09:59

    This is the kind of response I was hoping for, finally :p

    Again, I would think it becomes a lot easier to accept the inevitability of the expense and the stress once you have a the ultimate result in sight, as for the actual imagining of the wedding itself.

    What is the symbolism of the cake cutting? And how does a Quaker ceremony play out, in comparison to a traditional Christian ceremony?


  7. Lucy
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 16:14:08

    To answer your first question, J said that what he’d heard was that the cutting of the cake symbolised plunging a knife into the bride’s virginity. Nice.

    As for the second question, I guess that’ll be a later blog of its own 🙂


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