T Minus 2 Weeks

I have some advice for you. If any of you ever decide to get married and if any of you ever have any choice in the matter, do not set a wedding date within two months of moving house. Don’t do it. Just don’t.

And if you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Ethical Choices

We’re trying to make our wedding as ethical as possible. Actually, that’s a lie. We’re trying to make our wedding as ethical as possible within the scale of what we want and what we can afford and without getting obsessively guilty about it, which as I’m sure you’ll appreciate is something slightly different.

Nonetheless, we have tried to keep an eye on these things. A good example would be the people we’ve chosen to have as our caterers. Our remit was that we wanted someone who would do vegetarian food, who would be able to cater for vegans and at least the fairly standard set of allergies, and who would be able to do more than just a finger buffet – I get grumpy very quickly when I get hungry, and my wedding day will be no exception!

Local is better, naturally, but we compromised on Nottingham (~50 miles) in order to have these people, who are a community association helping socially disadvantaged people through their organic allotment volunteering schemes. Sounds too good to be true? That’s what we thought. The thing that pushed us over the edge was the fact that if you want, they will come and serve you out of their solar-powered converted 1970s camper van! Oh yes! We are not, alas, going for this option – we decided on reflection that a sit-down meal might be that bit more practical.

In other news, our vegan-friendly wedding cupcakes are being made by a woman who we discovered at a local ethical fair who donates 100% of her profits to animal charities (we’ve chosen the Sumatran Orangatans), our plates and bowels come from here*, and we’ve been lucky enough to have both wedding and reception venues within easy walking distance of both each other and good public transport links.

To put a slightly different slant on things, my wedding dress may not be re-used but it did come from a one-woman independent business. The wedding reception venue is a church-based community centre on the edge of a public park. Not sending out paper invites may have saved us money but it will also have saved us a heck of a lot of paper.

To an extent, we’ve gone for all of this because we are left-wing hippy liberals and that’s just the sort of thing we like anyway. But to an extent it is about practising what you preach and making choices that you genuinely feel are right for this world. I think that once again we are reaping the benefit of feeling the freedom to do things differently.


*Though yes, I do appreciate the fact that there is a bit of an ethical minefield with this sort of thing. Reusable versus compostable. Natural materials versus natural destruction. Proximity and transportation. Third world trade versus third world exploitation. Is there even such a thing as an purely ethical choice? Probably not.

Confetti Confessions – The Reply

(This started off as a comment in reply to a blog of Flix’s, before I realised that I was over a month late in replying and it was kinda relevant for here anyway. So go and read the original, maybe, and its comments before reading this. In my defence, I’ve been busy planning a wedding :P)

I think I always knew that being able to get married would be amazing, but I honestly couldn’t see it happening to me just because I honestly couldn’t imagine finding anyone perfect enough to want to spend the rest of my life with. I think the whats and the whys and the hows suddenly fell into focus when I found that person – not least when I realised that I was going to be able to have a Quaker wedding.

(It’s not that I couldn’t have had anyway – non-Quakers can marry Quakers in a Quaker ceremony. But it would have felt funny for me not to have had a Quaker ceremony, and would probably have felt equally funny for a non-Quaker to have done things in ‘our way’. I didn’t intentionally fall in love with a Quaker, but I’m glad it’s worked out like that from a large number of points of view.)

And as soon as you are having an unconventional wedding by most people’s standards anyway, it liberates you to go the whole hog and be damned with tradition if there’s a particular tradition you dislike. So my father will not be giving me away, we will not be cutting a cake (after J told me about the symbolism!), and all of the speeches will be joint because I don’t see why it’s only the men who should have the say.

At the same time, it’s important to keep the traditions that you like – you only get to do this once, after all. I think I’ve mentioned on here before that despite the Quaker testimony to simplicity and the traditional implication that in my case would be frankly inaccurate, I discovered that what I really wanted to get married in was a white princess dress. So I will, simple as that. I once joked with my second/ third year housemates, long before I got with J, that if I ever got married then I would ban posh hats and fascinators at my wedding. “You can’t do that!” they replied, horrified. Well just watch me!

One final remark in relation to the comments over at Flix’s. You think that everything is going to be kept terribly simple and inexpensive and stress-free because your wedding’s going to be different. I point at your naïvity and laugh 😉

What’s In An Name – Email Edition

I’ve just got a gmail account! LucyHisSurname was taken on hotmail but not on gmail, so I figured that I’d better strike while the iron was hot.

Whenever I go onto Google now, my new name-to-be is shining up on me, and man, it looks weird! I suppose I’d better practise a new signature next…

What’s In A Name Change?

See ‘What’s In A Name?’ for the background to this.

I do like websites which tell you information clearly and concisely (even if I suspect that the particular website in question is that of a private company aiming to make a pretty penny out of people’s ignorance; this, I believe, is the official government guidance. Nice and transparent like most government documents…)

However it turns out that if I want to make the previously discussed change to my name upon marriage, I have to do it by deed poll. Even taking J’s surname and abandoning my own would involve on average 30-40 notifications of the change of name; doing so by deed poll would apparently make the notification process more complicated and cost me £64.43 for the privilege.

Do I care that much? Do I care £64.43 much? I mean, sure, what’s £64.43 compared to the personal significance of being able to have the name that I want, but… I dunno.

What would you do, or what did you do in this situation?

Emotional Overload

Getting married’s a big thing, right? To have found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and to be planning a big, happy party that focuses on the two of you being in love… it’s pretty special.

I love weddings. I’ve hardly been to any, and less still within recent memory* – so maybe it’s as a result of this that I’m getting incredibly teary and emotional whenever the subject comes up of two people affirming their love for each other. I got teary in Debenhams when buying the matching knickers to go with my bra. I was trying not to cry all the way through the royal wedding. And now, to cap it all off, I have just link-hopped to a beautiful blog containing some of the most beautiful wedding paraphenalia I have ever seen.

It makes me want all the more to document our wedding properly, actually. I’d like lots of photos to be taken on the day – but also of things like my hen party and the little bits leading up to it. I’d like some soppy photos of me and J, but this might take a bit of doing because we’d have to find somebody to take them and I’d have to persuade J that he actually wanted to be in front of the camera rather than behind it for once. I’d like to do the little emotional things like leaving notes for each other, and flowers, and the First Kiss.

My pragmatic self is laughing right now – laughing and scoffing. But the emotions are still squeezing out of all the little cracks and corners, and they’re pleading with me that we will only do this once.


*J has been to none. If you don’t count the celebration and re-affirmal of vows of a couple of our Quaker friends that we’re going to in late June, J’s first wedding will be his own!

Something Old, Something New…

…Something Borrowed, Something Blue.

So I can tick off the Something New straight away – that’d be my dress! And shoes, which I now also have, rather excitingly, thanks to a wonderful discussion thread on The Sewing Forum.

Something Blue has been accounted for, although I wonder whether it counts if it’s not visible to the guests…?!

How old does the Something Old have to be? I’m planning on wearing a necklace which I’ve had since about half-way through university and has hence been worn on other occasions, but it’s not exactly heirloom.

And what about the Something Borrowed?

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